© Hermes Solenzol, 2016
Michel let out the customary American husband greeting complete with its appropriate singsong tone when he stepped into his Beverly Hills mansion. Ashley loved his little game of pretending to be the husband in a TV program that she watched as a child. He announced his arrival and she ran to greet him with a welcome kiss at the door.
But not today, apparently. The only one to appear was Kurby, who proceeded to dance crazily around him and to put his front paws on his suit.
Where the heck was Ashley? Michel climbed the stairs to the bedroom followed closely by Kurby, who kept jumping all around him despite his efforts to ignore him. A wave of heat struck him when he opened the bedroom door. The fireplace was on and there were candles everywhere: on the chest of drawers, on the bedside tables, over the closet and, dangerously, on top of the 48-inch flat screen TV. Michel threw his jacket on the bed and looked for the remote to turn off the fireplace. He blew out the candles over the TV and put them on the chest of drawers.
“What are you doing, honey?”
Ashley came out of the bathroom wearing a pink night gown and her favorite slippers: fluffy bunnies complete with glass eyes and long ears. She was petite, with dangerous curves, short blond hair and sparkling blue eyes.
“Hey! Don’t turn off the candles!” she protested.
“Only these ones, chérie… They are going to get wax inside the TV, don’t you see?”
“And the fire! Why have you turned off the fireplace?”
“It’s too hot.”
“But it’s November! Next week is Thanksgiving and Christmas is just around the corner. What’s wrong with turning on the fireplace in the Fall?”
“Yeah, it’s Fall all right, but the Santa Anas are blowing. Have you been outside? It’s steaming hot!”
“I was just trying to create a nice ambiance for you… And then you come and spoil everything!” she whined.
Michel put his arm around her waist and brought her close to him.
“Oh, chérie, I really appreciate it! Does this mean that you have forgiven and we are going to make love again?”
“Yes, but…”
Michel didn’t let her finish. He pushed her to the bed until she fell on her back on it. He lifted up the pink night gown to uncover her perfect thighs and her pretty purple lace panties.
“Stop, Michel… Stop! … We need to talk first.”
Michel stopped and looked into her eyes.
“Yes, chérie?
Ashley sat up and patted the bed to make him sit beside her. Kurby, who had been running nervously around the room, took advantage of the opportunity to hump her leg. Michel tried to get him off her, but Kurby scared him off by fainting a bite and continued his task.
“Oh, that darned dog!”
“Don’t say that, Michel. He’s very affectionate, that’s all.”
“But, chérie, you can’t let him do that. It’s obscene! Didn’t we agree that you were going to take him to have him fixed?”
“Yeah, but this morning Tiffany gave me a better idea, so I took him to see Amanda.”
Without stopping his humping, Kurby insinuated his snout under Ashley’s night gown. That was too much, even for her. She peeled him off her leg, took him to the bedroom door and threw him out.
“And who the heck is Amanda?”
“She is a psychic animal psychologist who is able to make direct contact with the mind of pets. Many movie stars go to see her.”
“¡Oh, la-la, la-la, la-la! And did Amanda get in contact with the mind of Kurby?”
“Yes… Well, not exactly… She got his horoscope and read his cards. She saw that, indeed, Kurby has a strong sexual compulsion. The cards showed that it’s a serious problem that can cause him an untimely death. So we can’t have him fixed. That would kill him.”
“But then what are we going to do? You aren’t planning to…?”
“Of course not, Michel! We’ll have to get him some bitches to keep him satisfied.”
“Breed him, you mean? But who is going to want pups from Kurby? He isn’t even pure breed.”
“Of course he is! Kurby is a cockapoo, a design dog, one hundred per cent poodle and one hundred per cent Cocker Spaniel. My mother paid a small fortune for him.
“Ashley, a dog can’t be a hundred per cent one thing and a hundred per cent another…”
Ashley gave him that skeptical look that he knew so well. It was impossible to argue math with her.
“OK, let’s leave Kurby alone for the time being. What about us?”
“Of, yes, us… I also talked to Amanda about that.”
“With Amanda? But wasn’t she an animal psychologist?”
“She’s a people psychologist as well… Quite good, in fact. Since she is clairvoyant, she understands immediately what’s going on. I talked with her for almost two hours.”
“You didn’t tell her…”
“About Brittany? Of course I told her about Brittany! That’s the key issue, isn’t it?”
“But chérie, I’ve asked you to forgive me a thousand times. I haven’t seen Brittany for months!”
“Of course you don’t see her! She dumped you, didn’t she? Do you think I don’t know? Tiffany is a good friend of one of her best friends. She dumped you because you didn’t do the cunnilingus right. She seduced you because she thought that, being French, you’d be good at it. The slut!”
“Well, what did Amanda say? Did she tell you to make love with me? Because I imagine there has to be a reason for this”, he gestured to the candles burning all over the place.
“Yeah, that… You aren’t letting me explain, Michel… She said that I was right in trusting my intuition and not allow you to penetrate me, because the key of the problem is that we have a relationship that is too coitocentric… That’s the word she used: “coitocentric”. It means that penetration is a way for you to express your aggression and your will to dominate me. But that desire that you men feel to dominate is impossible to satisfy. You become addicted to it. You want more and more, so you need other women to…”
“But that’s not true, chérie! Making love is not expressing my desire to dominate, or my aggression, but the love I feel for you… Brittany was just a mistake. I let temptation get the best of me. It happens to a lot of people, but it won’t happen again, I swear. I love only you! You are the love of my life!”
“Then, if that’s true, you’ll have to respect my feelings about it… You’ll have to help me heal this wound.”
“And what do I have to do?”
Ashley gave him one of her most charming smiles, her eyes shining with excitement.
“Amanda had the most wonderful idea! You’ll see, let me show you…”
Ashley went to the chest of drawers and came back with two white cardboard boxes. She sat back on the bed with one of them on her knee. On the box was a picture of what looked like a sophisticated vibrator .
“A vibrator?”
“Yes. From now on we are going to practice hi-tech sex, healthy and clean. No more penetrations… Which, you have to agree, are quite disgusting, with all that yucky mucus and secretions.”
“¡Mais tu es devenue complètement folle!”
“Don’t talk to me in French, Michel. You know that I don’t understand it. Speak in English, we are in America.”
“Mais, chérie, you always said that my accent is what you like the most about me… and that is very romantic when I talk to you in French.”
“Yeah, but not now, Michel. We are talking about something serious and I need to understand what you say.”
“Well, I just said that you have gone completely nuts. How are we going to make love with a vibrator? That’s completely artificial, fake, inhuman… How can you compare that with the intimacy of body to body contact, feeling our muscles tense and relax, being inside each other… All those mucus and secretions you mentioned are not disgusting, they are natural…”
“Oh, yeah? Who would have known, seeing how you react when you do that cunnilingus thing!”
“That was just that one time, chérie… I’ve explained it to you a thousand times. It was just that dinner didn’t seat to well with me.”
“Is that what you tell Brittany?”
Michel sighed.
“Why can’t we have a decent conversation without you bringing up Brittany?”
“That’s what I’m trying to do, but you are not listening. You said I was crazy without even letting me explain what this things does.”
“All right! What does it do?”
“It’s not just a vibrator, Michel, it’s much more sophisticated than that. It’s called the iCum and it’s able to unleash the most powerful orgasms.
“Really? How?”
“Oh, Michel, don’t ask me to explain how it works, you know how bad I am about technology! Amanda explained it to me with all sort of detail, but I can’t remember a thing. Look, here it explains everything…”
Ashley opened the box and brought out a thick instruction book. Michel browsed through it. It was so thick because it contained information in over a dozen different languages. The instructions in English were just four pages:
You are holding in your hand a technological marvel that will bring about a new Sexual Revolution! The iCum-F is the key to expand your sexual capacity beyond your wildest dreams! Don’t let appearances fool you, the iCum-F is not a simple vibrator! It is an instrument combining sophisticated sensors to measure your level of clitoral arousal with a whole gamut of stimulators able to recruit all and each one of the nerve fibers of the feminine sexual organ. Of course, the iCum-F is able to reproduce any type of vibration known to date. But there is much, much more! Or team of scientists discovered that mechanical vibration is not the most effective way to stimulate the clitoris. The real key to pleasure is electrical stimulation, which the iCum can modulate in both frequency and intensity to bring you to ecstasy. At the same time that it stimulates your nerve fibers, the iCum-F measures the impedance of the clitoral mucosa to assess your degree of arousal. In that function it is assisted by a laser pulse-oximeter able to measure at the same time your heart beat, blood oxygen, blood flow and arterial pressure. All this gets integrated in the brain of the iCum-F, a tiny computer that…“Are you planning to spend the entire evening reading that?”
“No, no, of course!” said Michel closing the booklet. “You are right: it’s much more advanced than a simple vibrator.”
“See? You don’t trust me. Sometimes I feel like you think I’m dumb.”
“Please don’t say that, chérie! How could I think that of you! What’s in the other box?”
Ashely gave him a mischievous smile.
“The other box is for you, Michel. You wouldn’t think that I only cared about my own pleasure, would you?”
Ashely opened the other box and brought out a cylinder larger than the iCum-F.
“This is the iCum-M, for men. See? You put your ding-a-ling through this opening over here. At the end there is a device that stimulates the gland pretty much the same way that the iCum-F stimulates the clit. But there are a bunch of other things… Amanda explained them to me, but right now I can remember all the details.”
“Well, let’s take a look…”
Michel found the instruction booklet and started to read it.
“Hey, don’t start reading again!” said Ashley grabbing the manual from him. “Where do you think we are, in a library?”
“But we have to find out how this works,” protested Michel turning the iCum-M in his hands. “Can we open it? Because if I cum inside it would need to be cleaned, right?”
“Oh yes, that I can explain… See? That’s why we have these…”
Ashley took a plastic bag out of the iCum-M box. She open it and extracted a rubber disk from it.
“These are disposable inserts for your iCum-M, made of natural rubber. When you use it, you throw it away and the next time you put in a new one.”
“I see… disposable vaginas,” he said laughing at his own joke.
“Don’t be silly! As you can see, it’s quite an hygienic system. No more changing the sheets after making love.”
“And how much did you pay for these toys?”
“Nine hundred and ninety nine dollars… Plus taxes, of course.”
“Jesus! Both?”
“No, each one… Come on, Michel, you’re the one who always says that money doesn’t matter! What can be more important than our sex life?”
“But this is not about our sex life. These thingies are just to masturbate, which is different.”
“No, they are not for masturbating, they are for making love. Because you wouldn’t use your iCum when you are not with me, would you?”
The way Ashley was frowning, there was only one possible answer.
‘Of course not… But, chérie, even if we use the iCums at the same time, that wouldn’t be the same thing as making love…”
Ashley threw him on the bed and got on top of him, playfully.
“I know what you want, you dummy! You will be able to touch me everywhere: my ass, my tits, whatever you want… But instead of putting your cock inside me, you put it inside the iCum. It will treat it right, you’ll see.”
“That doesn’t sound very romantic…”
Ashley kissed him in the lips furiously.
“Come on! Don’t be so negative! Let’s try…”
After a frustrating delay because of some difficulties with putting the vagina insert in the iCum-M, they finally got it going. Michel started manhandling Ashley but, when she saw that he wasn’t going to take the lead, she pulled down her panties and rushed to apply her iCum-F to her clit. Michel just laid there, looking at her expression of ecstasy without knowing what to do. Finally, he grabbed his iCum-M, lubricated it and gingerly put his penis inside.
The device clamped around his cock like a vise, starting undulating motions up and down the shaft. It wasn’t unpleasant, just a bit threatening to feel trapped that way. But then the really good stuff got started. An exquisite electric discharge zapped his frenulum, followed by soft vibrations and delicious discharges of static. He thought that he would cum right away and again tried to take his penis out of the iCum, but the darned thing wasn’t going to let him go. Nevertheless, the intense stimulation stopped and was replaced by a soft massage up and down his shaft. Then it started all over again.
“¡Ah, chérie, c’est vraiment magnifique!”
But Ashely, lying at his side, wasn’t listening. She shook spasmodically in what looked like the most intense orgasm of her life.
***
“Honey, I’m ho-ome!”
Ashley heard the singsong greeting with which Michel announced his arrival. Long ago she had grown bored with playing that stupid game of pretending to be a 50s housewife but she didn’t want to spoil it for Michel, who obviously enjoyed it so much. Luckily, there was always Kurby to welcome him home when she was busy… Like she was right now. She listened, expecting to hear the sound of paws running over the wooden floor, but there was nothing… Where was that stupid dog? I’d had to be her who greeted Michel.
She left the two iCums on the bed with the bags of “vaginas”, as she and Michel had started to call them in jest. She looked at herself in the mirror to check her makeup, adjusted the strap on her nightgown over her shoulder and left the bedroom.
She had been waiting for him anxiously. They had gone three days without having sex and it was starting to get to her nerves. Michel’s parents had come from Paris to spend Christmas with them and she had to take her mother-in-law, who didn’t speak a word of English, shopping in Rodeo Drive. She didn’t speak any French, either, so she had no idea on how they were going to communicate, but Michel had insisted in leaving the two of them alone because shopping was a woman thing. After some tension resulting from her failure to convey to Madame Nicole how expensive those stores in Beverly Hills could be, her own mother had offered to take her.
On top of that, today, December 26, when everybody in their right mind took the day off, Michel had decided that he absolutely had to go to work.
The temptation of using the iCum by herself had been almost irresistible, but she had promised Michel that she’d only use it with him. To do otherwise would be like cheating on him. Or so she had told herself, and that way she had been able to keep the darned thing in its box all day long.
“Oh, darling, I missed you so much!” She screamed in his ear as she jumped on him to hug him with arms and legs. “Let’s go into the bedroom, I can’t stand it one more second!”
“Ah, chérie, neither can I! But, please, get me a bottle of Perrier from the fridge while I change. I’m so thirsty! We have the Santa Anas again.
Ashley was going upstairs with the bottle of Perrier when she heard Michel let out a bloodcurdling scream from the bedroom.
“Arrrg! My vaginas! Kurby has eaten my vaginas!”
When she opened the bedroom door she witnessed a devastating debacle: the bag of inserts for the iCum-M was laying on the bed, bitten into pieces. The “vaginas” were spread all over the bedroom floor. While she looked, Kurby grabbed one between his teeth. Holding the other end between his paws, he pulled until the insert tore with a loud “plop” .
“Kurby, bad dog! Very bad dog! Look what you have done!”
Kurby just wagged his tailed and looked back at her, excited with his new game. When she ran to him to grab him, Kurby grabbed the last intact insert between his teeth and, dodging her, ran out the door.
“OK, this is it!” shouted Michel, enraged. “I want that dog out of my house! I want him gone by tomorrow!”
“Calm down, Michel. You know very well that we can’t kick Kurby out. My mother is in love with him ever since she bought him for us. If we kick him out, the next day they’ll kick you out of your job.”
“Oh, God! Why did I ever let your parents hire me! What are we going to do now?”
Michel sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands. Ashley sat beside him and started massaging his shoulders.
“Come on! Come on! Don’t worry, there’s got to be an insert that you can use.
They spent the next half an hour going through the vaginas, inspecting them one by one. Kurby had been quite thorough, there wasn’t a single one left intact.
“OK, don’t worry, on Monday I’ll go see Amanda and I’ll get you a new bag of inserts.”
“On Monday? But today is Friday!”
“It’s all I can do. Amanda goes away on weekends to her house in Palm Springs.”
Michel looked dubiously at his iCum-M.
“You know, maybe it can be used without an insert. It shouldn’t be too hard to clean it afterward.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Michel…”
But Michel was already taking off his pants. The moment he was naked, he jumped on her and started touching her everywhere. She became instantly aroused, not because of his clumsy caresses and squeezes, but because the moment to use her beloved iCum-F was so close at hand. Pretty soon she could wait no more. She peeled off her panties and grabbed the iCum-F from the bedside table.
The first delicious pulsations starting teasing her clit. Through half-closed eyelids she saw Michel cautiously introducing his fully erected cock in his iCum-M. Exquisite electric discharges made her close her eyes. A dreadful scream from Michel made her open them again.
“Arrrg! Ouch! Ayayayay! How do you stop this thing? Ashley, please, turn it off!”
Michel was fighting like a madman to get his penis out of the device, which seemed equally determined not to let it go.
“You can’t turn it off, it’s automatic,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Then get the batteries out… Do something, for God sake!”
‘It has no batteries. It gets charged through the USB, you know that… I was going to tell you that without the insert the electric discharges could get a tad too intense.”
“No shit! And now you tell me? Ouch!”
Luckily, his torment didn’t last too long. His poor tortured cock didn’t take long to lose its erection as a result of the harsh treatment it was receiving, and so it could break free of the vise that was trapping it.
They looked at each other, not knowing what to say.
“Michel, please, I can’t wait anymore…” she pleaded.
His anxious look made her fear the worse. She started praying for him not to say it.
“I know, chérie, I know… Go ahead and do it. I’ll just sit here and watch you cum. That’s pleasure enough for me.”
She let out a sigh of relief and hugged him.
“That’s what I expected of you, my love. You’ve always behaved like a perfect French gentleman. I love you so much!”
“¡Mais bien sûr, chérie!”
Ashely closed her eyes again and surrendered to the exquisite sensations that the iCum-F was giving her. She was so turned on! She was vaguely aware of the presence of Michel next to her, caressing her breasts, her belly, the inside of her thighs, but all of that was nothing compared to the strict discipline of pleasure that the iCum was delivering to her pussy, taking her to ever higher peaks… to let her fall from there at the last second. Vibrations and discharges ebbed to almost nothing just when she was about to reach her climax.
The third time it happened she realized that something had gone terribly wrong.
“What’s going on, Michel?” she moaned. “It stops just when I’m about to reach orgasm!”
“I don’t know… Well, it could be that… don’t you remember? The last time we used the iCums we decided to change the mode. We set them on “edging”.
“And what on Earth is “edging”?
“It’s keeping you close to orgasm without letting you get all the way there.”
“You’ve got to be kidding!”
“No, chérie. You asked for it because you said that we were finishing too soon.”
“You were finishing too soon, you dummy, not me! Why the fuck did you have to touch my iCum!”
“Don’t worry, chérie, it would just take a minute to reprogram it,” he said meekly.
“I’ll do it! I don’t trust you anymore!”
She got out of bed, got the USB cable from the bedside table drawer and used it to plug her iCum to her laptop.
“This stupid thing takes longer and longer to boot! You need to buy me a new laptop, I’ve told you a thousand times!”
Michel tried to massage her shoulders. She shook him off with an angry motion.
A message showed up in her screen:
New hardware
Looking for drivers…
The window closed. A new one came up, larger and with black background.
“Nooo!” she screamed in frustration.
Michel squatted at her side to be able to read the screen. They both stared at the new message in disbelief:
System update
Please wait
Downloading…
At the bottom of the screen there was a black bar with a tiny green notch at the left. Over it, it said “1%”. After a while, the green bar grew a bit and the number changed to “2%”.
Unable to move, they kept staring at the screen as the green bar continued to move at glacial speed towards 100%.
